Accepted/rejected

Life in the USA (for a week)

Last night I was invited to go bowling with my husbands work colleagues. 

When we got there, my husband walked over to a server to confirm our booking then started walking to the alley completely forgetting that I was still standing in the entrance. 

I watched in slow motion, waiting for him to turn around and tell me to come. But he didn't.

I stood by the shoe exchange and waited patiently until he finally realised he didn't know where I was.

He came over and said he thought I would just follow.

I told him - you just left me.

I felt abandoned and just wanted to go back to the hotel room.

Since that was not an option I sucked it up and joined in with the fun.

Free food and drinks, it was a winner for me.

When I got back to to the hotel I just could not shake this feeling that he forgot about me.

I went to sleep trying to forget about it.

I woke up the next day. Husband already up and in the next room answering emails.

My first thought was the feeling I had last night.

The slow motion, watching, waiting, feeling left, abandoned and forgotten.

Why was I feeling so strongly about this.

Why was my heart aching, feeling stretched and challenged on this.

Then God genially reminded me that I am on my last week of doing a stronghold buster prayer.

40 days and 40 nights praying for something that you are being challenged on.

It was from doing Freedom in Christ.

The last weeks of prayer is the hardest but you also start seeing the cracks in the wall.

My prayer is about feeling rejected.

My head knows that I am accepted. I never doubted that.

I have read the parts of the bible and know that I a, accepted.

But my heart was not lining up with my head.

It wasn't that my husband was rejecting me. It's because I am in my last week of prayer.

Therefore, my brothers and sisters, make every effort to confirm your calling and election.

For if you do these things, you will never stumble, and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal Kingdom of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ

2 Peter 1 10-11

God never rejected me. He chose me. Called me by name.

He formed me in my mothers womb. In the secret place. He planned every part of me.

Parts of my prayer are reaffirming his love for me and acceptance.

 Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. 

Hebrews 4:16

May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my rock and my Redeemer.

I know that after this week. My head will totally align with my heart and not only will I know that I am accepted but I will have total peace and feel accepted.