Accepted/rejected

Life in the USA (for a week)

Last night I was invited to go bowling with my husbands work colleagues. 

When we got there, my husband walked over to a server to confirm our booking then started walking to the alley completely forgetting that I was still standing in the entrance. 

I watched in slow motion, waiting for him to turn around and tell me to come. But he didn't.

I stood by the shoe exchange and waited patiently until he finally realised he didn't know where I was.

He came over and said he thought I would just follow.

I told him - you just left me.

I felt abandoned and just wanted to go back to the hotel room.

Since that was not an option I sucked it up and joined in with the fun.

Free food and drinks, it was a winner for me.

When I got back to to the hotel I just could not shake this feeling that he forgot about me.

I went to sleep trying to forget about it.

I woke up the next day. Husband already up and in the next room answering emails.

My first thought was the feeling I had last night.

The slow motion, watching, waiting, feeling left, abandoned and forgotten.

Why was I feeling so strongly about this.

Why was my heart aching, feeling stretched and challenged on this.

Then God genially reminded me that I am on my last week of doing a stronghold buster prayer.

40 days and 40 nights praying for something that you are being challenged on.

It was from doing Freedom in Christ.

The last weeks of prayer is the hardest but you also start seeing the cracks in the wall.

My prayer is about feeling rejected.

My head knows that I am accepted. I never doubted that.

I have read the parts of the bible and know that I a, accepted.

But my heart was not lining up with my head.

It wasn't that my husband was rejecting me. It's because I am in my last week of prayer.

Therefore, my brothers and sisters, make every effort to confirm your calling and election.

For if you do these things, you will never stumble, and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal Kingdom of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ

2 Peter 1 10-11

God never rejected me. He chose me. Called me by name.

He formed me in my mothers womb. In the secret place. He planned every part of me.

Parts of my prayer are reaffirming his love for me and acceptance.

 Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. 

Hebrews 4:16

May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my rock and my Redeemer.

I know that after this week. My head will totally align with my heart and not only will I know that I am accepted but I will have total peace and feel accepted.

Are you listening correctly

Not so long ago, in my final year of bible college. I was challenged on listening.
I thought, (or I was having a bit of a wobble about it) that surely there was only one way to listen to God.
I had it in the bag.
I chatted to God on a regular basis
And he talked to me.
But I had hit a stumbling block. I was struggling with my final assignment and felt that God wasn't giving me any clues on how to tackle it.
Normal I looked at my notes, married them up with the course book and saw how that had affected change in my life.
But this was different. I suddenly thought that I couldn't tune into Gods words. I couldn't hear what he was saying to me.
I was shouting out to him questioning his abandonment.

Then I had a revelation.

It wasn't that he wasn't talking to me.
It was ME, who had forgotten how to listen.

Here's my challenge to you right now.
Before I carry on.
Have a think. How does God talk to you?.

You see for me, God didn't just talk to me when I was lying around reading his word. Well he did but that wasn't the main way.
I am a creative being. I am an artist. I am very visual.
God didn't talk to me in ways that I didn't understand. He is a CREATIVE God. He created the universe.
Of course he is going to talk to me in a way I totally understand.

God talks to me through pictures. In things that I see when I am out an about. He gives me reminders of his love for me in nature, my children and in everyday things that I see when I am on my everyday trips.
God talks to me in a creative way as I am creative!

Creativity is part of who I am, who HE created. Am I am perfect and wonderfully made, just to his specifications.

I completed my final assignment with his guidance and ended up doing a large painting called 'The Lion of Judah'. And came away completely secure in the knowledge of how my Lord Jesus communicates with me.

One thing I have done and found encouraging is looked up lots of different passages written about artists in the bible.
You can do this if you are great with numbers or figuring things out. Take a look at what God says about you in the bible.
Carry those words around with you. And be encouraged.
God is always talking. You just have to tune in correctly to hear.

A letter to my Christian Husband!

I wrote this blog post right at the beginning of the year. I didn't know if I would post it. I am not even going to read it back.
If its how I felt i'm sure others have felt this way too.

I'm a married Christian woman! That's quite a statement already.
Ok so being a married christian woman sounds easy right? It should be easy right?
I have 2 beautiful kids. And a husband.
I love God with all my heart and know that only through Jesus Christ is the way, truth and life.
But sometimes, that sometimes being right now, I can understand why some Christians divorce!
It's onLy easy if both parties put in the effort regarding marriage.
And I am not talking about the communicating bit although that is an issue! Or the daily household stuff.
I am talking about personal journeys with God. I'm talking about - getting yourself fixed with prayer and counselling if clearly you have found something difficult in your personality. If you have an issue with hurt, anger, rejection, sex, competing, the list can go on.
It seems to me that women seem to be the ones always seeking the help.

Recently I went to a church women's breakfast and something struck a chord with me. God put something on my mind and heart that wasn't sitting right with me. I was struggling with something.
I couldn't stop thinking about this something all night, and the next morning.
I thought - great! Another thing that I need to go get sorted. And believe me I really didn't want to go get something else sorted. The stubbornness in me thought, no way. I am not going to seek help. I'm not doing it again.
But that stubbornness was the devil holding me back from being free in Christ and Christ already set us free when he died for us on that cross.
So I texted a lady from my Church and arranged a coffee date and some ministry.

On the other hand men (in my opinion) seem to struggle to identify there weaknesses as things that they could have fixed with a bit of prayer and a chat. They like to blame others for there weaknesses and avoid getting fixed while struggling internally with turmoil.
They avoid looking at the bigger picture of freedom and love and think that they can fix it all on there own whilst the wife has to deal with the mood swinging husband all on her own by praying and seeking God and wise council.
Honestly. I am sick of it.

I noticed my husband for the first time (before we were together) at a pub garden. We had mutual friends. He had just come back from a soul survivor trip and was on fire for God. He was literally glowing.
Aren't people so attractive when they are on fire for God.
It's like something you want to catch, be apart of.
When people are so far from Gods face, you start wondering why you love them. If you love them. What can you do?
Nothing you do seems to make them happy.
Even sitting next to them irritates them.
You are never good enough!
That's right, I will never be good enough! Ever! As the thing that you unknowingly seeking and needing....is God.
He is the only one that is ever going to satisfy your need. He will moisten your dry parched throat so you are never thirsty again.
He will strengthen your body and fill you up so you never go hungry again.
You are searching in the natural that only God in the supernatural can give.
These are all the things that I am too scared to tell you, husband, as I know you will shut your ears and walk off.
Don't you know that God loves you so much that if you were the only person ever alive he would still have died for just you on that cross and beared your sin.
Don't you know that you being in turmoil makes him weep.
Don't you know that you have angels surrounding you every minute of every day and that they are real.
Don't you know that God want to know you more and more.
Don't you know that God longs for a personal relationship with you.
Don't you know that God misses your chats.
Don't you know that God sent me for you to cherish and love so you wouldn't be lonely
Don't you know that I am lonely and I weep for you too.

I wonder if I will ever post this. I know you will never read this.
I pray that God will give you a revelation of his love for you before it's too late. X