I wrote this blog post right at the beginning of the year. I didn't know if I would post it. I am not even going to read it back.
If its how I felt i'm sure others have felt this way too.
I'm a married Christian woman! That's quite a statement already.
Ok so being a married christian woman sounds easy right? It should be easy right?
I have 2 beautiful kids. And a husband.
I love God with all my heart and know that only through Jesus Christ is the way, truth and life.
But sometimes, that sometimes being right now, I can understand why some Christians divorce!
It's onLy easy if both parties put in the effort regarding marriage.
And I am not talking about the communicating bit although that is an issue! Or the daily household stuff.
I am talking about personal journeys with God. I'm talking about - getting yourself fixed with prayer and counselling if clearly you have found something difficult in your personality. If you have an issue with hurt, anger, rejection, sex, competing, the list can go on.
It seems to me that women seem to be the ones always seeking the help.
Recently I went to a church women's breakfast and something struck a chord with me. God put something on my mind and heart that wasn't sitting right with me. I was struggling with something.
I couldn't stop thinking about this something all night, and the next morning.
I thought - great! Another thing that I need to go get sorted. And believe me I really didn't want to go get something else sorted. The stubbornness in me thought, no way. I am not going to seek help. I'm not doing it again.
But that stubbornness was the devil holding me back from being free in Christ and Christ already set us free when he died for us on that cross.
So I texted a lady from my Church and arranged a coffee date and some ministry.
On the other hand men (in my opinion) seem to struggle to identify there weaknesses as things that they could have fixed with a bit of prayer and a chat. They like to blame others for there weaknesses and avoid getting fixed while struggling internally with turmoil.
They avoid looking at the bigger picture of freedom and love and think that they can fix it all on there own whilst the wife has to deal with the mood swinging husband all on her own by praying and seeking God and wise council.
Honestly. I am sick of it.
I noticed my husband for the first time (before we were together) at a pub garden. We had mutual friends. He had just come back from a soul survivor trip and was on fire for God. He was literally glowing.
Aren't people so attractive when they are on fire for God.
It's like something you want to catch, be apart of.
When people are so far from Gods face, you start wondering why you love them. If you love them. What can you do?
Nothing you do seems to make them happy.
Even sitting next to them irritates them.
You are never good enough!
That's right, I will never be good enough! Ever! As the thing that you unknowingly seeking and needing....is God.
He is the only one that is ever going to satisfy your need. He will moisten your dry parched throat so you are never thirsty again.
He will strengthen your body and fill you up so you never go hungry again.
You are searching in the natural that only God in the supernatural can give.
These are all the things that I am too scared to tell you, husband, as I know you will shut your ears and walk off.
Don't you know that God loves you so much that if you were the only person ever alive he would still have died for just you on that cross and beared your sin.
Don't you know that you being in turmoil makes him weep.
Don't you know that you have angels surrounding you every minute of every day and that they are real.
Don't you know that God want to know you more and more.
Don't you know that God longs for a personal relationship with you.
Don't you know that God misses your chats.
Don't you know that God sent me for you to cherish and love so you wouldn't be lonely
Don't you know that I am lonely and I weep for you too.
I wonder if I will ever post this. I know you will never read this.
I pray that God will give you a revelation of his love for you before it's too late. X
If its how I felt i'm sure others have felt this way too.
I'm a married Christian woman! That's quite a statement already.
Ok so being a married christian woman sounds easy right? It should be easy right?
I have 2 beautiful kids. And a husband.
I love God with all my heart and know that only through Jesus Christ is the way, truth and life.
But sometimes, that sometimes being right now, I can understand why some Christians divorce!
It's onLy easy if both parties put in the effort regarding marriage.
And I am not talking about the communicating bit although that is an issue! Or the daily household stuff.
I am talking about personal journeys with God. I'm talking about - getting yourself fixed with prayer and counselling if clearly you have found something difficult in your personality. If you have an issue with hurt, anger, rejection, sex, competing, the list can go on.
It seems to me that women seem to be the ones always seeking the help.
Recently I went to a church women's breakfast and something struck a chord with me. God put something on my mind and heart that wasn't sitting right with me. I was struggling with something.
I couldn't stop thinking about this something all night, and the next morning.
I thought - great! Another thing that I need to go get sorted. And believe me I really didn't want to go get something else sorted. The stubbornness in me thought, no way. I am not going to seek help. I'm not doing it again.
But that stubbornness was the devil holding me back from being free in Christ and Christ already set us free when he died for us on that cross.
So I texted a lady from my Church and arranged a coffee date and some ministry.
On the other hand men (in my opinion) seem to struggle to identify there weaknesses as things that they could have fixed with a bit of prayer and a chat. They like to blame others for there weaknesses and avoid getting fixed while struggling internally with turmoil.
They avoid looking at the bigger picture of freedom and love and think that they can fix it all on there own whilst the wife has to deal with the mood swinging husband all on her own by praying and seeking God and wise council.
Honestly. I am sick of it.
I noticed my husband for the first time (before we were together) at a pub garden. We had mutual friends. He had just come back from a soul survivor trip and was on fire for God. He was literally glowing.
Aren't people so attractive when they are on fire for God.
It's like something you want to catch, be apart of.
When people are so far from Gods face, you start wondering why you love them. If you love them. What can you do?
Nothing you do seems to make them happy.
Even sitting next to them irritates them.
You are never good enough!
That's right, I will never be good enough! Ever! As the thing that you unknowingly seeking and needing....is God.
He is the only one that is ever going to satisfy your need. He will moisten your dry parched throat so you are never thirsty again.
He will strengthen your body and fill you up so you never go hungry again.
You are searching in the natural that only God in the supernatural can give.
These are all the things that I am too scared to tell you, husband, as I know you will shut your ears and walk off.
Don't you know that God loves you so much that if you were the only person ever alive he would still have died for just you on that cross and beared your sin.
Don't you know that you being in turmoil makes him weep.
Don't you know that you have angels surrounding you every minute of every day and that they are real.
Don't you know that God want to know you more and more.
Don't you know that God longs for a personal relationship with you.
Don't you know that God misses your chats.
Don't you know that God sent me for you to cherish and love so you wouldn't be lonely
Don't you know that I am lonely and I weep for you too.
I wonder if I will ever post this. I know you will never read this.
I pray that God will give you a revelation of his love for you before it's too late. X
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