In the Breast of Jesus

So I am having a breast scan later today.

You generally don't go for this kinda appointment unless the Dr refers you.

I don't have a lump. I am just tender one side and have been for about 4 months.

My Dr pushed under my arm and I let out a 'yelp'.

I have been told that to be in pain is a good thing.

That it's probably just a cyst under the skin.

Just!

Because being 'probably' makes it all that more less worrying.

It's probably not cancer! Probably.

Probably doesn't make me worry any less.

Doesn't make me feel any less sick to the stomach.

Doesn't creep up randomly when I am going about my daily chores and stab me in the back like an old friend.

Probably doesn't help!

I have been told before that worrying doesn't help the situation.

But what happens if you just but can't help but worry.

You try an ignore the fact that you are going to have your private parts prodded and poked and examined.

Private parts doesn't even seem fit these days when you see women's breasts plasters all over papers, magazines, TV. 

But to me, they are private.

They are private between a husband and wife. In the scarred thing called marriage.

And then there are all the other thoughts that come when I am going to have one of those sort of checks.

If I have cancer how will I feel?

Well I have given it quite a few thoughts of late.

Now I don't want to die in pain and the thought of leaving my children is unbearable.

But if I had just one selfish thought right now (and these are my thoughts and opinions)

Wouldn't it be great to go meet Jesus. And meet him early.

I mean life is hard right?! It's so hard. I never feel like I ever really relax. In fact I can't remember the last time I ever really relaxed.

Being alive, Christian or not is hard.

If I had cancer wouldn't it just be better to just take it and run with it?

Don't get me wrong.

I am not suicidal. I don't want to end my life, die, leave my children. But if life throws this punch at me. I will seriously consider rolling with it. 

But hey I 'probably' don't have it.

We can live in a world of probably's. But the word of God says - 

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.

Prov 3 5-6

Trust in the Lord.

Not trust in my own thoughts. Trust in the Lord.

The Lord my God knows what is best for me. He knows me in every way. Every day of my life has been written in his book already. So if I am going to face a big decision/struggle. I won't be trusting in my own understanding. I will lean on him. 

I will acknowledge him.

I will know what to do as Jesus will direct my path.

Who is directing your path today? Are you fully relying on the one who saved you?

Are you believing that Jesus will show you the way to go? 

Do you acknowledge him in everything you do? 

Are you trusting Jesus Christ with the season your in and fully knowing that you will come out of this season a changed and stronger person.

This is part of my season. When I don't particularly feel very strong. But I know that - 

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

My strength comes from the 'one'.

My season will end and at the end of this long (not just today but this season I have been in for a very long time) season my new chapter will be amazing as I endured this for so long.

As I trusted in my Lord and acknowledged him at every corner and turn.

Let Jesus into your life in every small thing. Then when the big storms come to knock you down you have your strong tower already in place.

Godsgirl. Xx