Friday 24 April 2015

Unrecognized Addictions

It's a revelation sort of day,
You know when God prompts you on something you haven't given up and keeps going until your mind is swimming in thoughts of that particular thing.
It's a something that I've done for as long as I can remember but didn't think much of it.
A something that became part of my normal daily routine. In fact a ritual.
A ritual that wasn't healthy in 2 ways.
1- not good for me
2- the only healthy ritual is a God habit.
And the thing is this habit has been so ingrained in me that I actually changed my thought process into thinking that it was OK.
I had successfully brainwashed myself into thinking that what I was doing was OK.
That what I was doing was normal. Normal for me.
Normal way of life.

I was taking slimming pills. (Emphasis on was)

The thing is - since I have been digging into the word every day. I haven't even noticed that I have forgotten to take them.

My revelation happened today driving to the gym, going for a swim.
Each morning I have been getting up, making a smoothie, taking the kids to school and driving to the pool drinking my smoothie on the way.
This has been happening, this new routine for 2 weeks.
This morning not any different apart from this nudge.
I was listening to the radio and the news of a girl dying came on.
She took 8 of her Slimming pills that she bought off the Internet. Felt ill, drove herself to the hospital. And died!
As I 'coincidently' was driving past the hospital (honestly there are no coincidences in God) he reminded me - that's you!

I have to say in this brief pause - that as I'm writing this I keep looking over to where I hide my pills. Yes I know I still haven't thrown them. I know I'm not going to take them again.
This is an addiction! And it's hard to pull away from that.

I was reminded of the fact  that I have been buying my slimming pills off the Internet. That I have no clue whatsoever what is in them.
That I could easily be that girl. Dead!

As I was swimming I just kept being reminded of these pills. 2 boxes of them. Hidden in my secret place. My secret place that I control.
I need to turn that control over to Jesus.

Honestly these pills don't even work. I haven't lost weight with them. I am a bright woman, I know how to lose weight. I know pills are not the way. But like I said this is a habit, a life style, a non conscious decision to do something everyday.
They were expensive. This has been a money pit for too long.
I have been disillusioned for too long.

I am a new creation and want to put my old self away. This is not me anymore. This is not my identity anymore.

Ephesians 4 22-24
That you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts,
And be renewed in spirit of your mind,
And that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.

My mind has been renewed  and I need someone to be accountable to.
No one knows, my husband doesn't even know. And I don't want it be a hidden secret anymore. This will not have a hold over me anymore.

I can do all things wrought Christ who strengthens me
Philippians  4 -13

My God word this week was Boldness! And I need to be bold.
And I am always reminded that through the struggles come great testimonies.



Update - just so you know. I did manage to thrown my pills away! Witnessed by a loving friend:)