School Report Day - Reporting on my Children

My children's future is not determined by 4 sheets of paper.

My children are bright, happy, they laugh in the face of future and all because they know that their future has already been seen and planned by the greatest planner. God knitted them together and planned and designed them exactly as he needed them to be. 
They are royalty. 
Their bloodline is thick with creativity. 
My children whatever their reports says will grow and flourish. 
They will be preachers, teachers, artists and dancers. 
They will sing songs of joy over nations. 
They will be designers, builders and bakers
My children will be doctors and nurses and heal nations by the authority of Jesus, King over all. 
My children will read verses and bibles and speak words of wisdom.
My children will know the power of prayer and healing and know where to direct their love.
 My children will know what patience and persistence mean. 
My children will know the feeling of being so in love with Jesus and him with them. 
My children will know the meaning of a Loving father and being rooted and established in him. 
My children will grow to be warriors and know how to wield their swords 
My Children are Gods Children and on loan for a short time.
Gods Children know that their identities are in him and him alone. 

To Forgive or not to Forgive that is the question.

My relationship with my husband has not been good for as long as I can remember.

He is not strong in his faith and because I am and I am thriving in my walk with Christ, I have been holding a lot of anger towards him.
I felt fed up with the pressure of being the one to pray for our marriage, kids and basically everything.

I was holding onto a lot of hurt, hurt that had come from him. But I am not going to go into that. As it doesn’t matter.

We went to marriage counselling yesterday and again I sat there listening to my husband spouting various tales and lies and telling them what I said and blaming me for the misery in our marriage.

I sat there so uncomfortable and feeling trapped.
Our Pastors asked us if we wanted to be married.
Husband replied with a yes.
I struggled with my yes. The fact is no, no I don’t want to be married right now as I have reached my limit in hurt. I had cried thousands of tears, I didn’t want to be married in this situation and for it to just carry on like this for another 10 years.
I was angry. And wondered why they didn’t just shake my husband for his behaviour.

At the end of the meeting they told us to fall back in friends with each other. To arrange a date.
I couldn’t think of anything worse that going on a date with this man who has hurt me so much and puts me down on a daily basis.
In 10 years he has not sort to know me but has competed with me.
I walked away from that meeting feeling totally drained and at a loss.
I didn’t want to talk to my husband. I didn’t want to sit down stairs with him. I needed time to process.

He went to football and I went to bed early with my laptop.

A few days previous I signed up to look at this Danny Silk web thing. I don’t know why or what it really was but I got an email during the day saying – Sorry you missed out on seeing it, here is the link so you can watch it now.

I clicked onto the link and watched the 20-minute talk from Danny Silk and feverly took notes.

It was about Forgiveness.
My thoughts at the beginning were – no that’s not me. I don’t feel like I need to forgive him. I am not harbouring any Unforgiveness.

And that’s when I listened to - People are afraid to keeping their love on

Why should I keep trying when it doesn't feel like you are?

And then I got this little revelation - I can only do my half of the relationship

Protect my heart and spirt regardless of what you are doing so make sure you’re in good shape when they turn around and want that relationship

Put my needs out on the table and I will pay attention to how you treat what I put out there. Because if your hurtful and mean, alright.

I'm going to be working on keeping my love on and I will look at the scripture that helps me deal with this situation and I am best off forgiving from my heart and I will push all the toxins away from my vital organs and spirit which is my joy my hope my honour my love. Push all the effects far away.

I realized I had been harboring unforgiveness and it was my fault. I could choose to forgive or I had chosen to unforgive.

I was responsible for my part.

This was hard to hear. This is the part that I usually just say ‘but, but, but’. But this time it was no use. God had given me a revelation.
He knows how much I was hurting and had been hurting. He had listened to all my prayers and collected every precious tear.

I rummaged around my house to find my ‘keeping your love on’ book by Danny Silk. I skimmed through the pages and realized that I was only half way through. Figures!
I looked at all the bits I had underlined and noticed that all the things I underlined were things I was blaming my husband for.
He was – selfish, not consistent, didn’t care, didn’t love, didn’t want to make an effort, harsh with his words, angry, never made an effort, didn’t pursue me, didn’t bother.
The list can go on and on and on.

Then the Lady interviewing Danny asked this question, the vital question that I have been waiting the answer for –

What do you do with someone who keeps poking at you? How do you forgive that?

Good question huh.
This is the question that I feel in my life needs an answer. My husband keeps poking at me, annoying me, doesn’t fulfill his promises and generally is inconsistent with this communication.

This is the answer that Danny gave -

It's a condition of my heart. if I don't forgive you then I begin to introduce a dynamic into not just my relationships but into my character. My character begins to be twisted on how I see everything

If I was God, I would do this :(

We think we are better than the job Gods doing

Will I practice the covenant I made with God?

Will I practice the covenant I've made with you whether I'm married to you or we just live in the body of Christ together?

My leg has a covenant with my eye and we are going to submit to the system that pushes the bad stuff away

I'm gonna submit to the solution the consequences that unforgiveness will bring by submitting to I forgive you for my heart.

I will practice our covenant and we know that covenant requires death.

I have to die to preserve this! I'm willing to give my life knowing that I've been crucified with Christ.

I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I life by faith in the son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.

Galatians 2:20

It's no longer I live but he who lives through me.

This is the practice of honour, love, forgiveness.

Woooahh that’s an eye opener huh.

The thing is because my husband has drifted in his faith it is my responsibility to put this into practice.

At this point I was really seeing what God was asking of me. He wanted me to die to this. He wanted me to give my all and he would back me up 100%.
I don’t need to worry about my husband and his walk as God has this. He has it covered and is already working on it, all behind the scenes the way he intended and when my husband fully submits to God it will be different to what I expect and its going to be better than I expected.

My job was to put 100% into my relationship. With no condition or expectations.

God is in charge, but not in control. He will do what he has to do to get my husband the spiritual head of our household.

He gave us free will and I am in a place where I can choose so I am choosing to put in for the rest of this year.

Why give myself to the end of the year?

Well firstly I believe it not a time scale I believe that my marriage will be sorted and fully restored by then. If I am putting in 100% whether my husband is or not, then change will happen.

And if by me changing and keeping my love on, has no effect what so ever. Then at least I know that I did everything that God asked of me. That I did what he asked of me as a wife. That I love, honoured and obeyed my husband.

If by Christmas, my husband doesn’t want to put in his part, doesn’t love, and want me then that’s ok. Because I can’t turn around at that point and say that I didn’t try to the best of my ability the way God wanted me to.

Its not a condition you see. This is a life style. And so far its not been working my way. So it needs to be Gods way…… fully.

I have the choice of unforgiveness as I have been given the choice and I choose to forgive

And the fruit of forgiveness - I don't want your destruction I want to move towards you and I'm going to make sure I bless you in the relationship and work hard at being the best wife I can be.

So how am I going to do this?

First of all, I am going to finish reading KYLO book. And this time look at the last part of the book with fresh eyes.

And today I am going to start the relationship course on line that is by Danny Silk.

You get a certificate at the end of the course.
Now this bothered me a bit. I was thinking what do I need a certificate if it only me making the change. What’s the point in a certificate in relationships if my main relationship has failed?
Then God reminded me that its nothing to do with the certificate. That when its up on the wall its not going to be alone. It will be side by side with my marriage certificate. That through doing this course on my own I will be able to impart things into my husband by keeping my love on.

So this is the start of my journey of ‘Keeping my love on” towards my husband and giving him the best of me.
I know its not going to be easy. I am a woman after all and I happen to be a very creative and emotional one.
But I know with the love of God and support from friends and family I can do this.
Why do I know this?

For I can do everything through Christ, who strengthens me

Philippians 4:13

PS – If you are in a marriage and really struggling to see any light in it. Male or female. Can I suggest that you buy the book ‘Keeping your love on’ by Danny Silk.

You are ENOUGH

My daughter told me this morning that this week is 'test week'.
I got down to her level and asked her if she was nervous. She replied with "a little".
This is what i told her -
Your test mark does not determine who you are.
Your grades do not determine who you are.
God tells you who you are. If you get rubbish grades and don't do well in school then thats ok as it does not determine your future of who you are.
Your identity is in Christ.
Yes we want you to do well. But all Mummy and Daddy ask of you is that you do the best of your ability and if you do your best then thats all we ask of you then thats great.
If you try and do the best you can do then thats the best you can do and no one can ask more of you.

I then prayed for her and sent her off into her classroom ready for her reading test at aged 8.

You see i think so much pressure is piled onto our kids at such a young age that is unnecessary.
grow up, don't grow up
answer me, don't answer back
talk, shhh
wear this, don't wear that
don't wear a cardi its too hot, cover yourself up
sit still, go run in the garden
watch tv, don't watch too much tv

We need to remind our children where their identity comes from.
We need to continue to remind them who their Daddy is.
Our Children are Royalty.
They are kids of the king of kings.
My Children don't even belong to me. they belong to Christ and i am looking after them for a while. I need to remember this, that it is my job as a Mother to bring them up the way that God wants me to bring my 2 children up. And to always bring it back to Christ.
I see the fruits already coming from my kids. Because they love Jesus so much. And i believe that God has a great future for them because it says in his word -

For i know the plans i have for you, plans to prosper, to bring you a hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

It is my job as a Mother to make sure my kids are rooted in him.

Therefore, just as you have received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in Him, rooted and build up in him, established in faith as you were taught,and overflowing with thankfulness.
Colossians 2:6-7

That God formed them exactly to his specifications, exactly how he decided they would be.

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, And before you were born I consecrated you; I have appointed you a prophet to the nations. Jeremiah 1:5

You see God doesn't say - i have anointed you a prophet but actually you have to start when you are a little bit older as 8 is just too young.
No, God appoints us before conception. He planned us exactly right from the beginning. Yes its all in his timing, our future is all in his timing but the seed is already within us at birth.

Yes i want my children to flourish and do well but does that mean school?. Partly. I want them to do the best they can. I don't want them to be stressed out and fearful of the future. I want them to be secure in the knowledge that God has always and will always have their back.
That when they try to the best of their ability that, that is enough.
No - could have, should have, would have. Just safe in the knowledge that they are 'enough'.

Remember that your children are 'enough'
Maybe you need to remind yourself that you are 'enough'.
Sometimes we get swept up in life and everywhere we turn - news, media, magazines, people are telling us that we need to be better, do better, want better.
Let me tell you, If you are in that place, God doesn't not want you to be fearful. Because to him. You are fearfully and wonderfully made and just right.

I was reminded recently of the movie Narnia and The voyage of the dawn treader.
There is a part in it where Lucy is wishing she was just like Susan, her sister. To her, her sister is more beautiful, fun, lovely. So when she gets this magic book she rips out the page and takes it away with her.
In secret she reads the words and transforms into Susan.
She is happy as she has got everything that she has always wanted but when reality hits she finally realises that by turning into Susan that Susan doesn't exist anymore and that she wished away her only Sister and in doing that she wished away herself.

Your children are not meant to be anyone other that who they have be created to be. ENOUGH