Wednesday 19 August 2015

In the Breast of Jesus

So I am having a breast scan later today.
You generally don't go for this kinda appointment unless the Dr refers you.
I don't have a lump. I am just tender one side and have been for about 4 months.
My Dr pushed under my arm and I let out a 'yelp'.
I have been told that to be in pain is a good thing.
That it's probably just a cyst under the skin.
Just!
Because being 'probably' makes it all that more less worrying.
It's probably not cancer! Probably.
Probably doesn't make me worry any less.
Doesn't make me feel any less sick to the stomach.
Doesn't creep up randomly when I am going about my daily chores and stab me in the back like an old friend.
Probably doesn't help!

I have been told before that worrying doesn't help the situation.
But what happens if you just but can't help but worry.
You try an ignore the fact that you are going to have your private parts prodded and poked and examined.
Private parts doesn't even seem fit these days when you see women's breasts plasters all over papers, magazines, TV. 
But to me, they are private.
They are private between a husband and wife. In the scarred thing called marriage.

And then there are all the other thoughts that come when I am going to have one of those sort of checks.
If I have cancer how will I feel?

Well I have given it quite a few thoughts of late.
Now I don't want to die in pain and the thought of leaving my children is unbearable.
But if I had just one selfish thought right now (and these are my thoughts and opinions)
Wouldn't it be great to go meet Jesus. And meet him early.
I mean life is hard right?! It's so hard. I never feel like I ever really relax. In fact I can't remember the last time I ever really relaxed.
Being alive, Christian or not is hard.
If I had cancer wouldn't it just be better to just take it and run with it?
Don't get me wrong.
I am not suicidal. I don't want to end my life, die, leave my children. But if life throws this punch at me. I will seriously consider rolling with it. 
But hey I 'probably' don't have it.

We can live in a world of probably's. But the word of God says - 
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.
Prov 3 5-6

Trust in the Lord.
Not trust in my own thoughts. Trust in the Lord.
The Lord my God knows what is best for me. He knows me in every way. Every day of my life has been written in his book already. So if I am going to face a big decision/struggle. I won't be trusting in my own understanding. I will lean on him. 
I will acknowledge him.
I will know what to do as Jesus will direct my path.

Who is directing your path today? Are you fully relying on the one who saved you?
Are you believing that Jesus will show you the way to go? 
Do you acknowledge him in everything you do? 
Are you trusting Jesus Christ with the season your in and fully knowing that you will come out of this season a changed and stronger person.

This is part of my season. When I don't particularly feel very strong. But I know that - 
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

My strength comes from the 'one'.
My season will end and at the end of this long (not just today but this season I have been in for a very long time) season my new chapter will be amazing as I endured this for so long.
As I trusted in my Lord and acknowledged him at every corner and turn.

Let Jesus into your life in every small thing. Then when the big storms come to knock you down you have your strong tower already in place.


Godsgirl. Xx 

Monday 1 June 2015

Abused women in a Christian marriage


Well this is a tough subject. A taboo subject that no one talks about. But it is more common than you may think. And how far does it actually go no one other than the women going through this will ever really know.

And God.

It really isn't as clean cut as it is painted in the news. Especially within the church.

Let me be clear. No abuse is ok.
No violence against a women is ok.

Not even just the once.
This includes - punching, kicking, smacking, shoving, pushing, pinning, forcing and slapping. Just to be clear!
 

If you are sitting here reading this and you have been hit by your husband, even just the once. I want to urge you to confide in a Christian woman that you trust.

 

So lets talk about those 'once' moments.

 

In Ephesians 5 : 1-2 it says - Therefore be imitators of God as dear children.
And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet smelling aroma.

 

When a husband raising his hand out of anger because he is frustrated with a situation. Is he imitating God?.

 

Ephesians 5 : 2 - Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.

Colossians 3: 19 - Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

 When a husband, goes against the imitation of God do you think he is loving you like the church?
 

Men are called to love their wives as Christ loves the church.
The church is the bride of Christ. THE BRIDE OF CHRIST!
When you join your husband in marriage, you become one.  Christ is one with his church.

 

So even if your husband has raised his hand just once to you. He is going against Gods will for your life. God planned for your to be together, to become one.
When violence comes in the middle of that, not only does it go against Gods plans and purposes for your marriage. But it also puts fear and distrust into the centre of your marriage.

As well as fear and distrust. For the man he feels - failure, embarrassed, unworthy, ashamed. He listens to the enemy who is telling him all the things that he is NOT in Christ.

 

Ephesians 5 : 23
For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church; and He is the Saviour of the body.

When the husband goes against Gods perfect plan for his marriage, he wrestles. A battle goes on in his head with who he is and how he is acting.
Who he is - is the head of his family. A spiritual umbrella over his family and household. Just as Christ is the head of his people, the church.
How he is acting - a dictator, making sure his family fall into line with what HE thinks. Not what God knows.

God made 10 commandments but the greatest one of all of them was LOVE.

Matthew 22 : 36 - 40 - Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?

Jesus said him, You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.
This is the first and great commandment.
And the second is like it: you shall love your neighbour as yourself.
On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Phophets.

 

The greatest commandment is love. LOVE.
God calls us as his people to be more Christ like and to love.
Love your wife as Christ loves the church.
Love your wife as you love Christ.
 

Anger is not love
Violence is not love

 

Matthew 23 : 10-12 - And do not be called teachers, for One is your Teacher, the Christ.
But he who is greatest among you shall be your servant.
And whoever exalts himself with be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exhaulted.

 

Husbands, the only teaching your should be teaching is that of Christ. Of love and servanthood over your wife. Serve her as the bride of Christ. As Christ loves the church.
 

So we have established that what you have done is not of Christ. But lets get to the fixing bit.

 

Does God hate you because of what you have done?. No.
Is this sin bigger that any other sin you or anyone else has commited. No.
What is the biggest sin someone can commit?. 
DISOBEDIENCE to God.
 

Not loving your wife the way God designed you to do is being disobedient to God.

So how to you fix the aftermath?. How do you get to a marriage that honours God. A marriage that flourishes and produces fruit.
Rather than sweeping everything aside and trying to forget it ever happened (because i am telling you right now, as strong of a wife in Christs love that you have, not dealing with it, keeping it a secret shame, wont heal a part that is broken).

This pride you hold, who do you hold it for?.
This embarrassment - is it so precious to you that you would rather hold onto that shame and embarrassment rather that talking to someone and bringing it before God to be dealt with.

The only way to get rid of the anger, shame, fear, embarrassment, failure, worthlessness, distrust. Is to bring it before God and be accountable for your actions.

The only way to get rid of all the things that the enemy is telling you that you are is to take Satan out of the situation.

You are not going to be judged for getting help from a member of your church leadership team.
You are loved.
Not only by your wife, but by the church.
We are all sinners, and we all need Gods love and help.
Do not let Satan have any part of your marriage anymore. Do not let him have even one little bit.
He does not belong anywhere near your marriage. This marriage that was brought together by God. Made one by God. And blessed by God.
Stand up for your wife. The women you said you would love and honour and look after until death do you part and go live with the King of Kings.
Stand up and don't hide the shame any longer.

Trust me when i say that your wife will love you even more for standing up!

1 Corinthians 3 : 16 - Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the spirit of God dwells in you?
This is not Gods will for your life and this is not Gods will for your wife's life.
 

If you have got to the end of this post then well done. I believe that you want change, just as much as your wife does.
My prayer for you is that your story. The one you are battling with right now. Will be a testimony for others. That you will one day, with your wife, help others going through similar battles.
That this story will never again be a story that enables Satan to have a hold over your marriage anymore but this battle will glorify God.

 

So husbands ought to love their own
wives as their own bodies; he who loves his
wife loves himself.
For no one ever hated his own flesh, but
Nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord
Does the church.
For this reason a man shall leave his
father and mother and be joined to his
wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
This is a great mystery, but i speak concerning
Christ and the church.
Nevertheless let each one of you in particular
so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see
that she respects her husband.
Ephesians 5 : 28- 33

Friday 24 April 2015

Unrecognized Addictions

It's a revelation sort of day,
You know when God prompts you on something you haven't given up and keeps going until your mind is swimming in thoughts of that particular thing.
It's a something that I've done for as long as I can remember but didn't think much of it.
A something that became part of my normal daily routine. In fact a ritual.
A ritual that wasn't healthy in 2 ways.
1- not good for me
2- the only healthy ritual is a God habit.
And the thing is this habit has been so ingrained in me that I actually changed my thought process into thinking that it was OK.
I had successfully brainwashed myself into thinking that what I was doing was OK.
That what I was doing was normal. Normal for me.
Normal way of life.

I was taking slimming pills. (Emphasis on was)

The thing is - since I have been digging into the word every day. I haven't even noticed that I have forgotten to take them.

My revelation happened today driving to the gym, going for a swim.
Each morning I have been getting up, making a smoothie, taking the kids to school and driving to the pool drinking my smoothie on the way.
This has been happening, this new routine for 2 weeks.
This morning not any different apart from this nudge.
I was listening to the radio and the news of a girl dying came on.
She took 8 of her Slimming pills that she bought off the Internet. Felt ill, drove herself to the hospital. And died!
As I 'coincidently' was driving past the hospital (honestly there are no coincidences in God) he reminded me - that's you!

I have to say in this brief pause - that as I'm writing this I keep looking over to where I hide my pills. Yes I know I still haven't thrown them. I know I'm not going to take them again.
This is an addiction! And it's hard to pull away from that.

I was reminded of the fact  that I have been buying my slimming pills off the Internet. That I have no clue whatsoever what is in them.
That I could easily be that girl. Dead!

As I was swimming I just kept being reminded of these pills. 2 boxes of them. Hidden in my secret place. My secret place that I control.
I need to turn that control over to Jesus.

Honestly these pills don't even work. I haven't lost weight with them. I am a bright woman, I know how to lose weight. I know pills are not the way. But like I said this is a habit, a life style, a non conscious decision to do something everyday.
They were expensive. This has been a money pit for too long.
I have been disillusioned for too long.

I am a new creation and want to put my old self away. This is not me anymore. This is not my identity anymore.

Ephesians 4 22-24
That you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts,
And be renewed in spirit of your mind,
And that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.

My mind has been renewed  and I need someone to be accountable to.
No one knows, my husband doesn't even know. And I don't want it be a hidden secret anymore. This will not have a hold over me anymore.

I can do all things wrought Christ who strengthens me
Philippians  4 -13

My God word this week was Boldness! And I need to be bold.
And I am always reminded that through the struggles come great testimonies.



Update - just so you know. I did manage to thrown my pills away! Witnessed by a loving friend:)

 

Monday 30 March 2015

Let your writings be heard!

Assignment writing interests me.
It interests me how some people can be so mechanical about it. Almost robot like.
Punching out the words, making meaningless unfeeling statements that mount to 1000 words.
Me, well, when I write. I write as me. I like to think that the person reading it can hear me talking.
Do you ever get that when reading an autobiography by someone you have heard talk/act? 
You can actually hear them talking. To you. 
The words jump right out of the page and into my memories like whispers in my ears. 

The bible, thousands of love letters written just for me.
Jesus's love letters to me.
He loves me
Tells me that I am wonderfully made.
Told me that I was planned, in his plans and he knows the purposes he has for me.
Little old me:)
The words come alive as they are alive.
Living, breathing.
I read them and hear them.
Gods massive assignment written down to save mankind.
No greater love story ever told.

Assignments should not be unfeeling. They're not a how too manual. 
They happen to be a story. A conclusion of study. 
Let your words be heard!

Friday 27 February 2015

Accepted/rejected

Life in the USA (for a week)
Last night I was invited to go bowling with my husbands work colleagues. 
When we got there, my husband walked over to a server to confirm our booking then started walking to the alley completely forgetting that I was still standing in the entrance. 
I watched in slow motion, waiting for him to turn around and tell me to come. But he didn't.
I stood by the shoe exchange and waited patiently until he finally realised he didn't know where I was.
He came over and said he thought I would just follow.
I told him - you just left me.
I felt abandoned and just wanted to go back to the hotel room.
Since that was not an option I sucked it up and joined in with the fun.
Free food and drinks, it was a winner for me.

When I got back to to the hotel I just could not shake this feeling that he forgot about me.
I went to sleep trying to forget about it.
I woke up the next day. Husband already up and in the next room answering emails.
My first thought was the feeling I had last night.
The slow motion, watching, waiting, feeling left, abandoned and forgotten.
Why was I feeling so strongly about this.
Why was my heart aching, feeling stretched and challenged on this.

Then God genially reminded me that I am on my last week of doing a stronghold buster prayer.
40 days and 40 nights praying for something that you are being challenged on.
It was from doing Freedom in Christ.
The last weeks of prayer is the hardest but you also start seeing the cracks in the wall.

My prayer is about feeling rejected.
My head knows that I am accepted. I never doubted that.
I have read the parts of the bible and know that I a, accepted.
But my heart was not lining up with my head.
It wasn't that my husband was rejecting me. It's because I am in my last week of prayer.

Therefore, my brothers and sisters, make every effort to confirm your calling and election.
For if you do these things, you will never stumble, and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal Kingdom of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ
2 Peter 1 10-11

God never rejected me. He chose me. Called me by name.
He formed me in my mothers womb. In the secret place. He planned every part of me.

Parts of my prayer are reaffirming his love for me and acceptance.

 Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. 
Hebrews 4:16

May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my rock and my Redeemer.

I know that after this week. My head will totally align with my heart and not only will I know that I am accepted but I will have total peace and feel accepted.

Sunday 8 February 2015

Are you listening correctly

Not so long ago, in my final year of bible college. I was challenged on listening.
I thought, (or I was having a bit of a wobble about it) that surely there was only one way to listen to God.
I had it in the bag.
I chatted to God on a regular basis
And he talked to me.
But I had hit a stumbling block. I was struggling with my final assignment and felt that God wasn't giving me any clues on how to tackle it.
Normal I looked at my notes, married them up with the course book and saw how that had affected change in my life.
But this was different. I suddenly thought that I couldn't tune into Gods words. I couldn't hear what he was saying to me.
I was shouting out to him questioning his abandonment.

Then I had a revelation.

It wasn't that he wasn't talking to me.
It was ME, who had forgotten how to listen.

Here's my challenge to you right now.
Before I carry on.
Have a think. How does God talk to you?.

You see for me, God didn't just talk to me when I was lying around reading his word. Well he did but that wasn't the main way.
I am a creative being. I am an artist. I am very visual.
God didn't talk to me in ways that I didn't understand. He is a CREATIVE God. He created the universe.
Of course he is going to talk to me in a way I totally understand.

God talks to me through pictures. In things that I see when I am out an about. He gives me reminders of his love for me in nature, my children and in everyday things that I see when I am on my everyday trips.
God talks to me in a creative way as I am creative!

Creativity is part of who I am, who HE created. Am I am perfect and wonderfully made, just to his specifications.

I completed my final assignment with his guidance and ended up doing a large painting called 'The Lion of Judah'. And came away completely secure in the knowledge of how my Lord Jesus communicates with me.

One thing I have done and found encouraging is looked up lots of different passages written about artists in the bible.
You can do this if you are great with numbers or figuring things out. Take a look at what God says about you in the bible.
Carry those words around with you. And be encouraged.
God is always talking. You just have to tune in correctly to hear.

Friday 6 February 2015

A letter to my Christian Husband!

I wrote this blog post right at the beginning of the year. I didn't know if I would post it. I am not even going to read it back.
If its how I felt i'm sure others have felt this way too.

I'm a married Christian woman! That's quite a statement already.
Ok so being a married christian woman sounds easy right? It should be easy right?
I have 2 beautiful kids. And a husband.
I love God with all my heart and know that only through Jesus Christ is the way, truth and life.
But sometimes, that sometimes being right now, I can understand why some Christians divorce!
It's onLy easy if both parties put in the effort regarding marriage.
And I am not talking about the communicating bit although that is an issue! Or the daily household stuff.
I am talking about personal journeys with God. I'm talking about - getting yourself fixed with prayer and counselling if clearly you have found something difficult in your personality. If you have an issue with hurt, anger, rejection, sex, competing, the list can go on.
It seems to me that women seem to be the ones always seeking the help.

Recently I went to a church women's breakfast and something struck a chord with me. God put something on my mind and heart that wasn't sitting right with me. I was struggling with something.
I couldn't stop thinking about this something all night, and the next morning.
I thought - great! Another thing that I need to go get sorted. And believe me I really didn't want to go get something else sorted. The stubbornness in me thought, no way. I am not going to seek help. I'm not doing it again.
But that stubbornness was the devil holding me back from being free in Christ and Christ already set us free when he died for us on that cross.
So I texted a lady from my Church and arranged a coffee date and some ministry.

On the other hand men (in my opinion) seem to struggle to identify there weaknesses as things that they could have fixed with a bit of prayer and a chat. They like to blame others for there weaknesses and avoid getting fixed while struggling internally with turmoil.
They avoid looking at the bigger picture of freedom and love and think that they can fix it all on there own whilst the wife has to deal with the mood swinging husband all on her own by praying and seeking God and wise council.
Honestly. I am sick of it.

I noticed my husband for the first time (before we were together) at a pub garden. We had mutual friends. He had just come back from a soul survivor trip and was on fire for God. He was literally glowing.
Aren't people so attractive when they are on fire for God.
It's like something you want to catch, be apart of.
When people are so far from Gods face, you start wondering why you love them. If you love them. What can you do?
Nothing you do seems to make them happy.
Even sitting next to them irritates them.
You are never good enough!
That's right, I will never be good enough! Ever! As the thing that you unknowingly seeking and needing....is God.
He is the only one that is ever going to satisfy your need. He will moisten your dry parched throat so you are never thirsty again.
He will strengthen your body and fill you up so you never go hungry again.
You are searching in the natural that only God in the supernatural can give.
These are all the things that I am too scared to tell you, husband, as I know you will shut your ears and walk off.
Don't you know that God loves you so much that if you were the only person ever alive he would still have died for just you on that cross and beared your sin.
Don't you know that you being in turmoil makes him weep.
Don't you know that you have angels surrounding you every minute of every day and that they are real.
Don't you know that God want to know you more and more.
Don't you know that God longs for a personal relationship with you.
Don't you know that God misses your chats.
Don't you know that God sent me for you to cherish and love so you wouldn't be lonely
Don't you know that I am lonely and I weep for you too.

I wonder if I will ever post this. I know you will never read this.
I pray that God will give you a revelation of his love for you before it's too late. X