Saturday 10 August 2019

Running from Abuse into the fruitfulness of God.

Its been a year to the day since my ex husband was removed from the house.
I had lived in a 12 year abusing relationship that stretched from verbal abuse, mental abuse, physical abuse, finacial and sexual abuse.
As it happens we are still officially married. He didn't agree to the divorce so I had to go to court. Now I am waiting for some more court dates to happen so then I can finalise the divorce.

So a year on and I'm doing great.
Im free. I can actually go out without being questioned. I can talk to who I want. I can spend my own money on what I want.
He was very controlling.

Why did I stick with him for so long?.
Because I am a woman of God. I trust God and his timing. I believed that he would get on his knees and give his all to God for the sake of me and our 2 children.
What did I do whilst I was being patient in the relationship.

I prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed.
I spoken to my pastors, I spoken to my best friend. I had pastoral care. I wrote in a journal. I fasted. I bought books and read them on support. Whats it like to be married to me and The power of a praying wife. 
I read so many self help books.
And I cried. A river.
God collected all those prayers and all those tears. None was wasted.

I forgive him. And I keep forgiving him.
It hasn't been easy as my ex hasn't stopped making things hard.
He isn't a nice guy and he doesn't think he has done anything wrong. He does not realise that his constant harassment, hurts our children.
They don't want to see him. He is not allowed to see them at this point in time. He doesn't respect that.
And I forgive him some more. 70 times 7 and more.
Not because what he did was ever ok. Not because how he treated me for years and years was ok either.
But because I am not going to let un forgiveness to define me. I am not going to let the enemy have a way into me.
I am letting go as what happened to me is going to be used for the glory of God.
This is my testimony.

I have a great new job, church and family and friend and things are so good.
The relationship between me and the children has never been better. They both love God and are happy.

What does the future hold?

For me - only good things. Restoration, peace and finding myself again as well as my voice. A closeness with the Father that is unbelievably good.
His presence is ever so real and comforting. I am believing and hoping for more than ever.
I also have not given up on marriage. I believe in good marriage and am surrounded by good marriages.
Where both parties are willing to put the other person first. Putting God in the centre.
I believe God is preparing someone for me. When the time is right.
Gods timing has been perfect in everyday this past year. He has guided me as I have leaned in closer.

For my relationship with my ex. - This is a tricky one. Tricky as it is going to be a while before I have to face him in regards to the children.
There is a restraining order in place and I will seek another.
But in the future there will come a time when I will have to face him. But not now.
So I don't need to think right now. God will be with me when the time comes and in his timing. And he will give me wisdom to deal with him.

Divorce. So what about divorce.
God doesn't like divorce. Its because it destroys relationships, connection and tears families apart.
But did God want me to stay in an abusive marriage.
A year ago after the hurricane had settled. I sat on my sofa with a police officer in front of me and I felt the presence of God surrounding me and the holy spirit whispered in my ear. "its ok to walk away now. "
You see I never wanted to walk away in my own strength. I knew biblically what my husband was doing was not ok -

The lord tests the righteous and the wicked, And his soul hates the one who loves violence - psalms 11:5

I wanted to walk away in Gods strength. As I knew if it was in Gods strength then God totally had me.

This is from a book I have just purchased called 'not under bondage' It is about abuse as a Christian and I believe this sums it up. -

One of the problems when dealing with domestic abuse in a Christian context is, “What does the Bible says about divorce for domestic abuse?” I believe the Bible allows divorce for domestic abuse, and the key text for this is 1 Corinthians 7:15 – But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. For God has called us to peace.This verse has been generally assumed to relate to desertion: when an unbelieving spouse walks out, abandoning a marriage with a Christian spouse, but not legally divorcing them. However, in the Greek text the word “depart” (chorizo) means “to place space between, to separate” and it was one of the standard terms for legal divorce in the first century. Typically, perpetrators of abuse do not walk out of their marriages – they want to stay in the relationship because they enjoy the power, privilege and control they obtain therein. So the victim of abuse thinks this verse does not apply to her. However, when correctly understood, it is the verse which gives her freedom.

I don't want people to feel sorry for me. Or act shocked and say I had no idea. Well of course you had no idea.
Its not something you announce to the world. And its not something that he would ever admit as he is the one in control.
I don't look back and regret my choices. I have 2 beautiful children and they are the fruit and the blessings of the relationship. God chose our DNA to produce them.
There is never a point to regret things in life. Its a bad spiral path to start going down and you just end up hurt.
I embrace my past but don't live in it.
I live in the present and look forward to the future.
And the future awaits me.:)

If you are in an abusive relationship and don't know what to do. Let me advise you.
Speak to someone you trust. A good friend. Mum. Or someone else's mum.  Its not your fault what is happening to you. It never was.
Don't question why he is doing those things to you or justify them. Just speak to someone.
If you don't have money. Don't worry. God will make a way for you. I promise.
I promise that speaking to someone and getting help is better than being in the situation you are now. This is not Gods best plan for you.
He has a better plan for you, a plan to help you flourish and thrive.
And if you feel you have no one to talk to.
Im here for you. Message me. I will help.












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