Abused women in a Christian marriage

Well this is a tough subject. A taboo subject that no one talks about. But it is more common than you may think. And how far does it actually go no one other than the women going through this will ever really know.

And God.

It really isn't as clean cut as it is painted in the news. Especially within the church.

Let me be clear. No abuse is ok.
No violence against a women is ok.

Not even just the once.
This includes - punching, kicking, smacking, shoving, pushing, pinning, forcing and slapping. Just to be clear!
 

If you are sitting here reading this and you have been hit by your husband, even just the once. I want to urge you to confide in a Christian woman that you trust.

 

So lets talk about those 'once' moments.

 

In Ephesians 5 : 1-2 it says - Therefore be imitators of God as dear children.
And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet smelling aroma.

 

When a husband raising his hand out of anger because he is frustrated with a situation. Is he imitating God?.

 

Ephesians 5 : 2 - Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.

Colossians 3: 19 - Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

 When a husband, goes against the imitation of God do you think he is loving you like the church?
 

Men are called to love their wives as Christ loves the church.

The church is the bride of Christ. THE BRIDE OF CHRIST!

When you join your husband in marriage, you become one.  Christ is one with his church.

 

So even if your husband has raised his hand just once to you. He is going against Gods will for your life. God planned for your to be together, to become one.
When violence comes in the middle of that, not only does it go against Gods plans and purposes for your marriage. But it also puts fear and distrust into the centre of your marriage.

As well as fear and distrust. For the man he feels - failure, embarrassed, unworthy, ashamed. He listens to the enemy who is telling him all the things that he is NOT in Christ.

 

Ephesians 5 : 23
For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church; and He is the Saviour of the body.

When the husband goes against Gods perfect plan for his marriage, he wrestles. A battle goes on in his head with who he is and how he is acting.
Who he is - is the head of his family. A spiritual umbrella over his family and household. Just as Christ is the head of his people, the church.
How he is acting - a dictator, making sure his family fall into line with what HE thinks. Not what God knows.

God made 10 commandments but the greatest one of all of them was LOVE.

Matthew 22 : 36 - 40 - Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?

Jesus said him, You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.
This is the first and great commandment.
And the second is like it: you shall love your neighbour as yourself.
On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Phophets.

 

The greatest commandment is love. LOVE.
God calls us as his people to be more Christ like and to love.
Love your wife as Christ loves the church.
Love your wife as you love Christ.
 

Anger is not love

Violence is not love

 

Matthew 23 : 10-12 - And do not be called teachers, for One is your Teacher, the Christ.
But he who is greatest among you shall be your servant.

And whoever exalts himself with be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exhaulted.

 

Husbands, the only teaching your should be teaching is that of Christ. Of love and servanthood over your wife. Serve her as the bride of Christ. As Christ loves the church.
 

So we have established that what you have done is not of Christ. But lets get to the fixing bit.

 

Does God hate you because of what you have done?. No.
Is this sin bigger that any other sin you or anyone else has commited. No.
What is the biggest sin someone can commit?. 
DISOBEDIENCE to God.
 

Not loving your wife the way God designed you to do is being disobedient to God.

So how to you fix the aftermath?. How do you get to a marriage that honours God. A marriage that flourishes and produces fruit.
Rather than sweeping everything aside and trying to forget it ever happened (because i am telling you right now, as strong of a wife in Christs love that you have, not dealing with it, keeping it a secret shame, wont heal a part that is broken).

This pride you hold, who do you hold it for?.
This embarrassment - is it so precious to you that you would rather hold onto that shame and embarrassment rather that talking to someone and bringing it before God to be dealt with.

The only way to get rid of the anger, shame, fear, embarrassment, failure, worthlessness, distrust. Is to bring it before God and be accountable for your actions.

The only way to get rid of all the things that the enemy is telling you that you are is to take Satan out of the situation.

You are not going to be judged for getting help from a member of your church leadership team.
You are loved.
Not only by your wife, but by the church.
We are all sinners, and we all need Gods love and help.
Do not let Satan have any part of your marriage anymore. Do not let him have even one little bit.
He does not belong anywhere near your marriage. This marriage that was brought together by God. Made one by God. And blessed by God.
Stand up for your wife. The women you said you would love and honour and look after until death do you part and go live with the King of Kings.
Stand up and don't hide the shame any longer.

Trust me when i say that your wife will love you even more for standing up!

1 Corinthians 3 : 16 - Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the spirit of God dwells in you?
This is not Gods will for your life and this is not Gods will for your wife's life.
 

If you have got to the end of this post then well done. I believe that you want change, just as much as your wife does.
My prayer for you is that your story. The one you are battling with right now. Will be a testimony for others. That you will one day, with your wife, help others going through similar battles.
That this story will never again be a story that enables Satan to have a hold over your marriage anymore but this battle will glorify God.

 

So husbands ought to love their own

wives as their own bodies; he who loves his

wife loves himself.

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but

Nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord

Does the church.
For this reason a man shall leave his
father and mother and be joined to his
wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
This is a great mystery, but i speak concerning
Christ and the church.

Nevertheless let each one of you in particular
so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see
that she respects her husband.

Ephesians 5 : 28- 33